The 80:20 rule that most people wish they could ignore

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You’ve probably heard it, achieving your big dreams and goals requires you to grow as a person and get outside of your comfort zone.

Oh, how much easier would it be if it were mostly strategy (the how-to) and hardly mindset and growth? Someone could tell you how to do it, you do it, and ta-da, it’s done! 

That is in fact, how many salespeople and coaches present their product and draw you in, in hope of a quick and easy fix to your problem. Whilst their particular strategy or product is not wrong, it’s also not complete.

The general consensus is 80% of the work needed to succeed at achieving a big goal is internal. And your success largely depends on whether or not you can get your thoughts and feelings under control. 

Thoughts and feelings. Mindset and emotions. The beliefs you have about things and the reactions you have to certain experiences.

This is where it begins to feel too hard. Most people either don’t know how to do the inner work or are afraid of the changes, so they continue looking for an easier way. They read all the books, try the next shiny strategy, hire the next coach that promises their solution is what truly works.

Unfortunately, none of it works unless you work. You have to put in the work, take the action, make the call, get out there. And what stops you from doing all that is your thoughts and feelings. Not the thoughts and feelings you have when you’re all inspired and worked up, but the ones you have on a daily basis. Can you manage them when they aren’t ideal and keep moving toward your goal despite the resistance?

The strategy is important and has its place. However, YOU are more important and need to work through your resistance, fear, procrastination, and doubt. Your big beautiful dream requires you to take action and that action requires you to stop sabotaging yourself because you haven’t done the internal work. 

The internal work is two-fold.

  1. Developing a mindset for success.
  2. Healing old wounds. 

Mindset for Success
Your mindset put simply, is the attitude and attached beliefs or ideas that you have about life and business. It determines how you will respond to and interpret different situations. Your mindset will determine how you handle setbacks in life and business.                            

A poor mindset will see you giving up at the first hurdle. A mindset for success will allow you to meet the challenges, grow through them, learn from them, alter course as needed but always keep your eye on the goal and keep taking action and moving forward towards your success.

True transformation
Developing the right kind of mindset is absolutely necessary, getting positive, setting goals, implementing new habits. But there’s a deeper level to the internal work that holds the secret to unlocking the real transformation. The healing of old wounds and letting go of beliefs that don’t support your success is a powerful undertaking that creates lasting change and will stop you from self-sabotaging. 

It’s not the pretty, easy, or shiny solution but if you’re serious about your big dreams, don’t shy away from the very thing that will give you true freedom. 

When you learn to overcome your self-sabotaging behaviours you can create any level of success that you choose. I’m always continuing to work on up-levelling but I’ve come a long way from barely scraping by on a single parenting pension, to building a business doing something I love and supporting my family. From ‘how will I pay the bills?’ and living my life from a place of desperation to personal power and inspiration. I’ve even broken my history of disastrous, dependent, even abusive at times relationships and found genuine love, respect and stability. 

Be willing to go all-in to have the life you want. You’ll never regret giving it your best shot. 

If like me, you are committed to living a full life and saying yes to your dreams, jump on into my new community Out with the Ordinary – women uplevelling their lives, and let me know what you’re aspiring to.





​Meet Melissa Kay 

A mother, lover of life, personal growth, and good coffee, Melissa has a passion for inspiring and helping others to dream big and take action. She owns and runs Out with the Ordinary Retreats and Melissa Kay Coaching where she focuses on empowerment and lasting transformation, so her clients can create a life and business they truly love. 

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