Feel more confident and show up: the 5-step formula to take action when fear and doubt has a hold of you.

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Ever have those moments when you need to overcome the fear and procrastination, and just get on with it? 

When I started working for myself I was afraid of so many things… promoting myself on social media, making phone calls, asking for money, meeting new people at networking events, and oh, video.

I was terrified, in particular, of Facebook lives, and would have all sorts of seemingly valid excuses why I couldn’t do them.

Then I worked with a real kickass coach (not for the fainthearted) who insisted that I do 30 Facebook lives in 30 days. Ignoring the feeling of dread in my stomach I agreed to the challenge. It was one of those moments when you say yes and then immediately wonder if you’ve lost your marbles. But he was absolutely right in that after you do 30 in 30, you’ll feel very differently about it.

The truth is, years later, I still don’t love it, but I’ve learned how to manage my thoughts and emotions around it and just do it. I developed a series of steps that can be quickly done prior to any uncomfortable situation, to feel more confident and relaxed.

Many of my clients use this 5-step formula to ease the nerves, interrupt their pattern and shift themselves into action. 

Step 1 Take charge of how you feel

Put yourself in a more resourceful emotional state by managing your thoughts and feelings. Force yourself to think about things that make you feel good or even easier, move your body to get your energy flowing again. Use your body in a powerful and confident way and soon enough, you’ll begin to feel it. Stand tall, put a smile on your face, lift your chest and notice the difference. In others words, physically snap out of it.

Step 2 Think about what you’re grateful for

This has to be, hands down, one of the easiest ways to feel better fast. Whilst alone, it may not help you feel prepared to speak on a stage or make that scary phone call, but as an important part of the 5-step formula, it serves to shift your vibe quickly.

Step 3 Keep your eye on the prize

Stay focused on the outcome you want to achieve, and do not entertain the thoughts of everything that might go wrong. See and feel yourself getting the result exactly as you want it to be. When you visualize yourself succeeding you are essentially practising a successful outcome. Remember, when you practice something enough, you get good at it.

Step 4 Focus on what actually matters

What’s the deeper purpose or reason you are doing this? Who are you serving or what kind of an impact do you want to have? We become overly nervous, afraid or stuck in procrastination when we are focusing on ourselves. What if I mess up, what if someone doesn’t like it, how’s my hair? Take the focus off yourself and put it where it matters most, what you are really there to do?

Step 5 Tap into courage and go

Think of a time you’ve done something amazing or found your courage, and with that in mind, count 5,4,3,2,1 and go! Who have you helped before, what achievement are you most proud of in your life, when did you feel afraid but stepped up anyway? Make a choice to go for it and don’t let yourself back out. 

The 5-step formula, with a little practice, can happen in under 2 minutes and can be used anytime you need to find more confidence and move into action. 

Here’s my old routine for Facebook lives: 

  1. Strike a power pose or jump around – 20 seconds
  2. Think of and feel grateful for the amazing feedback I’ve received from people I’ve worked with – 15 seconds
  3. See and feel myself doing a fantastic job – 15 seconds
  4. Focus on the message I want to get out and how it will serve others – 20 seconds
  5. Remind myself of all the people I’ve helped through my work, countdown, take a deep breath and push the ‘go live’ button – 20 seconds


This is an easy example but the formula can be applied to ANY moment of fear or indecision. Now I said this is my old Facebook live prep routine because I don’t need to do it anymore. That’s great news, once you’ve done something a few times, the fears lessen. 

But we all start somewhere, so try it out the next time you find yourself procrastinating doing that thing you know you need to do. Perhaps your fears aren’t around making videos, they might kick in when it comes to asking someone out, making the offer, closing the deal, asking people for money (often a big one), starting a new hobby, building new business relationships, or revealing yourself on social media. Test out the 5-steps and let me know what happens.

When you can take charge of the fear and move into action, you’ll become unstoppable. That’s when you will show up consistently, serve fully, create the life you want and make money in your business.

​Meet Melissa Kay 
A mother, lover of life, personal growth, and good coffee, Melissa has a passion for inspiring and helping others to dream big and take action. She owns and runs Out with the Ordinary Retreats and Melissa Kay Coaching where she focuses on empowerment and lasting transformation, so her clients can create a life and business they truly love. ​

Ways to work with Melissa
Work with Melissa VIP style – 1:1 coaching packages
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